If Roy Mustang were Fuhrer
by SetoKaibaObsessed
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if Roy Mustang became Fuhrer? Well here’s your chance to find out in this beautiful oneshot! Happy Readings!


**Title:**

If Roy Mustang were Fuhrer…

**Rating:**

PG-13

**Plot:**

Ever wonder what would happen if Roy Mustang became Fuhrer? Well here's your chance to find out in this beautiful one-shot! Happy Readings!

**Disclaimer:**

Don't own! Own Plot!

Crys: I'm going to love this.

Roy: …I don't think I will.

Crys: Of course not dear.

Roy: Oh boy.

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It had been a beautiful morning at Central Headquarters that is until a certain grumpy Flame Alchemist decided to not drink his coffee and nearly blow it up. Aside from that, it was a beautiful morning. It was now somewhere around nine in the morning and our Roy Mustang was busying himself with the accursed paperwork given to him. Actually, he wasn't doing it at all; he was busying himself by spinning in his chair, happily. First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye watched on as her superior spun around at a quick speed. Roy was having fun that is, until the chair sent him flying into the wall. Hawkeye snickered softly and walked over to help our Colonel up. Roy muttered incoherently and dusted himself off before going to clean the windows. Hawkeye sighed and rubbed her head.

"Sir, just do the paperwork." She said.

"I will… later. Much later."

Hawkeye rolled her eyes and decided this was the time to take her leave, since she knew there was no convincing Roy at this point. She turned on her heels and walked out of Roy's office, leaving her superior to cleaning the windows. Roy finished what he was doing and glanced at the stacks of paperwork on his desk, then looked toward the clock. He had a good three hours before they all needed to be finished and handed in. He glanced back at the paperwork again and walked off to go do something that wasn't signing papers. He walked around headquarters, greeting soldiers as he passed by. Yes, he was bored out of his mind. He wished that something would take this painful boredom away, but… maybe he shouldn't have because just when he thought it…

"OH ROOY!"

In rang the voice of the Lieutenant Colonel, Maes Hughes.

"Oh crap."

Hughes bounced over to Roy, shoujo hearts all around him. Roy twitched, sighed and twitched again. He knew the predicament was inevitable, he was about to face the wrath of Hughes, that painful wrath no one ever wants to face and when Hughes comes bouncing into a room, everyone runs for cover. It was too late for Roy now; he was definitely going to get it.

"Roy, you just HAVE to see Elysia in her new little party dress, it's the most adorable thing in the world!"

"Yes Hughes I kn-…" Hughes whipped out a picture and shoved it in Roy's face.

"Just look at this dress, I picked it out myself!"

"It's won-…"

"And look at her precious expression, doesn't it just make you want to HUG the little darling?"

"Well…"

"Hm? Hm? Hm? WELL?"

"…yes…"

"OF COURSE!" Hughes said, giving the picture a kiss and bouncing off.

Roy stood there, baffled. Well at least he didn't hound him for not having a wife. Roy shook his head and proceeded forward, to take a little walk around Central. After a half hour, he returned to his office to fine a fancy envelope on his desk, addressed to him. Roy raised his brow and walked over to his desk, lifting the envelope and opening it. He pulled out the paper residing inside and unfolded it, reading carefully. Silence lingered in the room, considering no one was in there at the time. It was pretty silent except for Roy's breathing.

Silence.

More silence.

And a little more.

Suddenly Roy jumped up, kicking his heels together in midair and doing a very small dance. Hey, no one's in the room so who would see? Exactly. His little victory dance ceased when there was a knock on his door. He composed himself and told the person to enter. The door opened and in walked, well Roy didn't see anyone. Wait. Roy looked down. Oh! It was just Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist! Silly Roy for not looking down sooner. Roy smirked at him, Ed just stared weirdly.

"How's the weather down there shorty?"

"WHO-ARE-YOU-CALLING-SO-SHORT-THAT-HE-CAN-CROWD-WITH-A-SWARM-OF-FLEAS-AND-STILL-CAN'T-BE-SEEN?"

"You…"

"WHY YOU, GRR!" Roy smirked.

"I have some important news Ed."

"What?"

Roy handed Ed the envelope and Ed pulled out the paper, reading it. His eyes scanned left and right as he continued reading, Roy was silent. Then suddenly, Ed's face paled. In fact, he was as white as a ghost, his golden-amber eyes drained of color and very wide. His mouth was agape. Roy stood in front of him proudly, smirking derisively down at his subordinate. Ed's hands loosened and the paper gracefully dropped to the floor. On the paper it read:

"**ROY MUSTANG PROMOTED TO FUHRER**."

Looks like it's going to be an interesting week, doesn't it?

After everyone found out about their new Fuhrer, nearly everyone was happy. Nearly. Everyone was excited about the promotion except the women of the military. It was impending doom for them for they KNEW Roy was about to change their uniforms to tiny miniskirts. Hawkeye decided to take care of Roy for that. So she walked into his office and stood in front of his desk, arms folded. Roy looked up at her and noticed she was giving him the deadliest glare that Scar would run away from. He gulped. He smiled weakly but it did not faze the sharpshooter. Roy stood up, clearing his throat and…

Ran like hell.

Hawkeye growled and yanked out her gun, chasing after him. Roy yelped loudly and rounded a corner, avoiding slamming into Fuery, Hawkeye turned the corner and slammed into the poor Sergeant Master. They both fell to the ground and the gun sounded off. The bullet hit Al's butt, bounced off and hit the wall just near Fuery's head. Al stared as did Fuery. Hawkeye growled because Roy had escaped her wrath. Al helped both up and they walked off. Roy slowed down and placed his hands on his knees, catching his breath. He straightened and walked off to order the new female uniforms. I guess he doesn't learn does he? He filled out the order forms and mailed it out to get them to their respective owners come tomorrow morning. He grinned to himself and shoved his hands into his pockets, walking off casually, and sneaking back to his office. He shut the door and sat behind his desk, leaning back. Hours passed with out any interruptions and Roy was readying himself to go home. Early. He snuck out the window and ran home to get himself a well deserved sleep.

Morning came and Roy walked into headquarters, coming face to face with all of the women in the military who were wearing their new uniforms. Roy stopped and looked at them, with a grin. They were glaring deadly at him and leading the group was Riza Hawkeye. Ed was off for safety reasons and was watching, snickering. The women took one threatening step forward causing Roy to step backward. Hughes was saying a silent prayer for his friend. Roy pulled out his gloved hand and snapped, not causing injury to the women but creating smoke so he could escape unnoticed. Roy took off running down the hall while the women coughed, trying to see through the smoke. Ed snapped his fingers and grumbled angrily, hoping to see Roy get what was coming to him. Roy slammed his office door and locked it swiftly before going to his desk and collapsing on top of it. He huffed out and stood up, dusting himself off and sitting himself behind his desk. A few minutes passed before he called in Ed for a mission. Ed trudged into his office… well at first he couldn't get in so he kicked the door down.

"That's coming out of your pay Elric."

"Yeah yeah, what do you want Mustang?"

"I have a mission for you."

"Go on." Roy smirked.

"Your mission is to find some way to grow taller so I don't have to strain my eyes trying to see you."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"WHO-ARE-YOU-CALLING-A-BEAN-SO-SMALL-THAT-YOU-NEED-A-TWEEZER-TO-PICK-UP?"

"My Edward, you sure do put words in my mouth."

"I hate you."

"Is that so?"

"I really hate you."

"I see."

"DAMMIT!"

"Uh-huh."

"STOP THAT!"

"Stop what?"

"ARGH!"

Ed stomped out of Roy's office, fuming. Roy blinked then smirked and went back behind his desk, spinning in his chair yet again. He was having fun until the chair decided to spin him out the window and crash to the ground. Roy lay sprawled on the ground, grumbling angrily and when he looked he saw Black Hayate. Black Hayate stared down at Roy then bit his nose and trotted off. Roy jumped up and yelped in pain, holding his poor nose. He grumbled angrily and opened the door to headquarters where a bucket of water fell on his head. After that all of the women jumped out and started shooting paintballs at Roy. Roy yelped and ran away like hell, getting beamed in the butt and falling to the ground face first. Roy stood up and looked ahead where Ed spewed water at him with a hose and sending the new Fuhrer onto his back. Roy growled and glared at Ed, who was grinning and since Roy was wet… so were his gloves. SO Roy was pretty much useless right now. Hawkeye walked over and dumped honey all over Roy and Ed launched a bag of feathers at him. It hit him in the face. Roy coughed and looked down at himself. Wet and covered in paint, honey and feathers. Roy growled and glared deadly at those beneath him in rank. How dare they attack their Fuhrer? Roy stood up and was going to run until he was tripped by Hughes. He stared up at Hughes. Hughes had an evil grin on his face as he attacked Roy, attaching Elysia pictures onto Roy's being.

Roy flailed.

And flailed.

And flailed.

And yelped when Hughes accidentally stuck a pin in him.

By the time Hughes was finished, Elysia pictures were all over Roy's uniform and one was pasted to his head and also there was a head crown of pictures around his head. Roy glared at his comrade who laughed nervously and ran away. Roy stood up and charged after Hughes. Hughes dashed through headquarters with Roy hot on his heels. Hughes giggled to himself and jumped as he ran. Roy charged after without jumping, tripping over a wire and a large net collapsed on top of him. Roy grunted and struggled as Second Lieutenant Maria Ross walked over and grabbed the ends of the net, dragging the Flame Alchemist off. Roy would've flailed, but he couldn't move so he proceeded to curse very, very loudly. Ross rolled her eyes and dragged Roy into a room where all of the women stood. The net was taken off of him and everyone pounced on him, tearing his clothes off and replacing them with a female uniform, miniskirt and all. They then tied him to a chair where they put a black crimped wig on his head. Roy struggled, but all for none. Ross kept his head still while Hawkeye and Scheizka applied make-up on the poor Roy Mustang. He screamed at the top of his lungs, broke through the ropes and trampled over every woman to get out of the room.

Roy practically ran over every person that so much as got in the way, including the small Fullmetal. Al squeaked softly when he saw his brother implanted on the ground, with footprints indented on his back. Roy charged out of headquarters and earned another bucket on the head. Roy kept running, vision hidden by the bucket and he tripped over a rock and slammed into a tree. Roy sat up and yanked the bucket off of his head and rubbed his head, where a bump was forming. Roy stood up slowly and looked where a crowd of women, Hughes, and Ed started heading toward him with pitchforks and various pointy objects as well as torches. Roy yelled for dear life and took off running, nearly taking down everyone that got in his way again. People who didn't get in the way, stared at him, as he ran through Central in a miniskirt with a bunch of people chasing after him, bloodlust in their eyes. They shook their heads and went on their merry way, careful not to cross the danger that is Roy Mustang. Roy charged around a corner and jumped over a wall, a fence, a dog, ran over a cat and dived over a trash can. Two fences, three dogs, twenty flattened cats and twelve trashcans later, Roy managed to get to his house, utterly out of breath.

When Roy looked up he saw a very angry Alphonse, with all twenty-one flattened cats resting inside his chest plate. Roy gulped and turned to run but his way was blocked by the crowd that had been after him for so long. Roy was trapped. Was this the end for the Flame Alchemist… wait a minute! He was dry now! Roy tied to fetch for his gloves… but they weren't anywhere. He must've dropped them while running. 'Oh crap' He thought as Al and the crowd advanced on him. When they got close enough, they pounced.

Roy woke up swiftly in a cold sweat. He looked around quickly, safely situated in his room. He was breathing heavily as he wiped the sweat from his forehead and got out of bed to get a drink from his kitchen. He filled a cup with water and stopped, staring at it. He threw it at the ground and decided to drink orange juice instead. After he finished, he dropped the class in the sink and went back into bed, snuggling under the covers. As he fell asleep he thought…

'Thank God it was a dream… maybe I shouldn't be Fuhrer after all…'

His eyes snapped open.

"Like HELL I shouldn't!"

I guess you can't teach an old dog new tricks, huh?

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Crys: done!

Roy: Oh my God I hate you.

Crys: Oh well!

Roy: -.- Review.


End file.
